How to Deal with a Stalker

The media often tries to glamorize stalking as romantic and a sign that someone cares about you. But anyone who has dealt with a stalker in real life will tell you that it is the exact opposite of that.

If someone is stalking you, you know how traumatizing living with fear can be. Dealing with harassment and even threats to your safety is not a nice way to live.

Stalking affects one out of every twenty women sometime during their lives. But that doesn't mean that you have to be a helpless victim. There are ways you can protect yourself from those that mean you harm.

If you're looking for information about how to deal with a stalker, keep reading.

Types of Stalkers

In order to understand how to protect yourself from a stalker, you have to understand who these stalkers can be. We'll talk for a bit about the different kinds of stalkers and how to avoid them.

The Rejected Stalker

The rejected stalker starts stalking you after you end the relationship with them. They want to continue to be in some kind of relationship or get revenge on you for ending the relationship.

This kind of stalker is jealous and narcissistic, and they will stop at nothing to get what they want. They will try to intimidate and hurt you while they stalk.

The Resentful Stalker

The resentful stalker has a very specific purpose: they want to make you feel scared or worried. They start this effort after they feel as though you have oppressed or humiliated them.

You might notice that this kind of stalker acts irrational and paranoid and they might start stalking someone because they have an affiliation with a group that they disagree with. This could be someone they know or a total stranger.

This kind of stalking is relentless and obsessive. They aren't afraid to threaten and assault the person they are attempting to stalk.

The Predatory Stalker

This kind of stalker is looking to plan an attack on the victim. They are looking to get power over you through pain, usually some kind of sexual assault.

This kind of person has bad self-esteem and has a hard time functioning in society, especially during romantic relationships. And like the resentful type, they don't have to know you to stalk you.

These people don't try to harass their victims as they are stalking them. They try to be quiet, so they know when to attack. This kind ends their stalking with a violent attack.

The Intimacy Seeker

The intimacy seeker will try to create a loving relationship with their victims, or they will already believe that their victims are in love with them. This type of stalker is delusional and dangerous.

They will find a way to turn any kind of response from you, even negative responses, into proof and encouragement of your love for them.

This person is shy and isolated, and they will also stalk even if they don't know someone.

If they believe you reject them, they have a high risk of becoming violent.

What to Do if Someone is Stalking You

If you believe you have a stalker, there are a number of things you can do to attempt to get them to stop. However, stalkers are persistent and could even cause violence. You may need to take extra precautions to protect yourself. 

If you think you are being stalked, the best thing to do is to tell someone you trust, such as one of your trusted friends or family members, and make a police report. Try to document the behavior and everything that is happening. Keep a record of any communications you have with the person you think is stalking you.

If you are being stalked online, save all of the messages and any other evidence you have. It is also a good idea to change your passwords and keep your account information private.

Don't Be Nice

No one likes to be mean to anyone. And it's in our nature to attempt to settle things in a calm way first. However, when you try to be nice and gentle to a stalker, it sends them mixed signals.

In their delusional mind, they start to think that they have a chance if they can keep at it.

It's never your job to tell them why you don't want a relationship with them. Explain to them that you aren't interested and that you expect them to respect that.

But only do this once. Be firm and leave it at that.

As soon as you think you might have a stalker on your hands, you have to be firm and aggressive.

Stop All Contact

As we mentioned before, a stalker believes that all attention is good attention. This means that right from the outset when it becomes clear that they won't listen to you and leave you alone, you need to stop all forms of contact with them.

Stop all forms of communication you may have had with them, including phone calls and emails. 

Never try to meet up with your stalker. Not even in public places. Don't call them back, don't send them a note, and don't do anything that could indicate to them that you have an interest in speaking to them. They are looking for any response from you. As long as you give them one, they will keep coming.

The Police

It's unfortunate, but sending the police usually won't do much good. Unless the offender commits a crime, there isn't much law enforcement can do to help. It's still a good idea to file a report that documents the complaint and its date.

Even if you try to get a restraining order, it can backfire. Some become angrier as the court attempts to take action.

If your stalker is still in the early stages, you might have some luck involving the police. However, if this is a long-running issue, it's probable that you won't thwart them with police involvement.

Self Protection

At the end of the day, the best way to make sure that a stalker won't hurt you is to protect yourself.

You can take passive measures, like keeping your address private and using a PO box. You can keep a record of every incident of stalking and keep the police updated. Change your routine going to and from work.

However, it's also a good idea to keep your house, your car, and your person secure from danger at all times.

Protect Your House

You can protect your house by trimming the hedges, so you always have a good line of sight outside. Keep an alarm set at all times and consider installing security cameras, either real or fake, around your home and property to deter your stalker.

Protect Your Car

It's a good idea to never park in a garage where you have to give up your keys to park. If you have to, only leave the ignition key and take the key fob with you.

Keep your gas cap and hood locked up. If you believe someone is stalking you while you drive, head to your local police station and blow the horn until you are safe.

Protect Yourself

You can protect yourself with a variety of different self-defense methods. First, invest in some self-defense classes. There's nothing quite like a first-hand experience to teach you how to stand up to your stalker.

Laws about stun guns vary by state, but look up your local laws and consider carrying a stun gun for extreme situations. Other good ideas are personal alarms and pepper sprays.

How to Handle a Stalker

Knowing how to handle a stalker can be hard. But there's nothing worse than having your privacy and personal space invaded by someone who won't take no for an answer. 

If you have a stalker, it's important that you take steps to protect yourself. And don't forget about your own emotional well-being. Seek the resources and support of a therapist who can help you deal with the issues you are facing.

Legal and Safety Measures to Deal with a Stalker

Dealing with a stalker can be a distressing and dangerous situation. It is crucial to take proactive steps not only to protect your physical safety but also to utilize legal avenues to deter and confront your stalker's actions. Here’s how to respond effectively if you find yourself in such a predicament:

Early Signs and Immediate Actions

• Recognize the Signs: Early awareness of a stalker’s actions can be key. Look for signs such as unsolicited gifts, repeated text messages, or other intrusive behaviors. Recognizing these signs early can be crucial for your safety and to begin documenting evidence.
• Legal Advice and Intervention: It's vital to seek legal advice at the first sign of stalking. A qualified attorney can guide you through the process of obtaining restraining orders and other legal interventions that may deter the stalker. Understanding your legal rights and the options available is a critical step in your defense.

Coordinated Response Strategies

• Contacting Authorities: As soon as the stalker’s actions escalate beyond unwanted texts and into more menacing or overtly threatening behavior, it’s imperative to involve the authorities. Police intervention can sometimes dissuade the stalker and will also serve to officially document the incidents, which is essential for any legal action.
• Counseling and Support: Stalking can have a profound impact on your mental health. Engaging in counseling services provides a private and safe space to discuss the emotional and psychological toll of stalking. Professional counselors can also offer strategies to cope with stress and fear induced by stalking incidents.

Creating a Safe Environment

• Secrecy in Personal Details: Keep your personal information, such as your home address and workplace, obscured from public view. Ensure social media profiles are private and information about your daily routines is kept confidential to prevent your stalker from tracking your movements.
• Enhanced Security Measures: Increase your home and personal security by installing surveillance cameras, using secure locks, and varying your daily routes to and from important locations. These actions can help make your movements less predictable and more secure from a stalker’s watchful eye.

Ensuring Continuous Protection

• Ongoing Vigilance and Updates: Even with legal measures and heightened security, it's essential to remain vigilant. Continue to document all encounters or communications with the stalker, as this will be crucial for any future legal actions or police reports.
• Stay Informed About Legal Changes: Stalking laws can evolve, and staying informed about these changes can offer new ways to respond and protect yourself. Regular consultations with your legal advisor can ensure you are aware of the most effective and current measures to confront and deter your stalker.

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